This is yet another self-oriented post where I, CB, leave my mind spill out onto the screen before me!
As people may know, I’m a newly qualified teacher. In Ireland, all of us “NQTs” must attend a series of modules before the teaching council will recognise our qualification. The modules suck – big time. You sit in a room with people you don’t really know and listen to someone talk about something you wrote an assignment on last year. To sum up, they’re a Complete. Waste. Of. Time.
It used to be necessary that you attend all 12 modules until about a month ago when they changed that to 10 out of 12. *insert mini victory dance here* So, I have completed my 8th module this week. And I feel like it was the most valuable module to date – but not for any educational or professional reasons whatsoever!
The module started and there were seven of us sitting at two tables. The door opened and in walked a boy who literally took my breath away. He sat next to me and when we were asked to turn to our partner and discuss something, I could feel my face burning from blushing – and let me tell you ladies and gents, CB never blushes!!!!
So, there I sat for two hours next to this boy with the most beautiful eyes, the gentlest nature, and an amazing smile. He told me that this was his 12th module – he didn’t need to be there people! And it hit me, I would more than likely never see this lovely man again! 😦
As the two hours progressed, I caught him looking at me… I blushed… he blushed… he began to steer the conversation away from what we were meant to be talking about and onto more personal things – what connections we might have, where I was from – he seemed to want to get to know me better, and I was definitely keen on getting to know him better. The clock’s minute hand slowly moved towards the number 12, something I’m usually praying for, but this night instead, I found myself thinking “Oh no! Please time….SLOW DOWN!!!!!“
Nine o clock came. Class was dismissed. I wanted to be bold, be brave, and work up the nerve to talk to him outside of the classroom environment… and I did! We talked for a while after class and found that we live quite close to one another (yay 🙂 ) but not so close that we’ll ever bump into each other (awe 😦 )… I was so aware of how this guy made me feel. I was trying hard not to shake with nerves, not to show that these few minutes of possibly meaningless conversation actually meant something to me – for what reason I really don’t know! I decided to be even bolder and asked him if he was on Facebook and that I’d add him as a friend…
He isn’t on Facebook.
My heart sank – I really wanted to get to know this guy better and I had put myself out there asking if he was on Facebook. I thought that this might prove that I was interested. He put his hand in his pocket and went to take out his phone. He went bright red… literally, as though someone had poured some form of blush coloured face paint all over him, and pushed the phone back into his pocket. So sad… I thought he was going to ask me for my number… but he didn’t…
*Insert Big Gigantic Sad Face*
And so, this concludes the end of my rant… Thank you for listening to the story that’s been playing round and round in my head these last few days! Your deepest sympathies and/or advice is most welcome! 😉