I am alive. And I am so grateful for that! You’ve no idea how grateful I am for that!
I am in my 20s. They’re a curious ole age… you’re not a teenager but you’re not a fully accomplished adult either.
I am finding out so much about myself. I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. It’s an entertaining and sometimes painful experience to grow up, to create yourself, and to understand yourself fully.
All along, I was insecure. I didn’t know who I was, and I always relied on other people to show me just how great a person I was. I hopped from relationship to relationship as a teen/young adult and, when I realised exactly what I was doing, I broke down. The foundation of my being was ripped from beneath me and a very bare and empty shell remained.
I was lost.
I was alone.
I was scared.
I can only imagine how weird it must be, how strange it must feel, to have been an outsider looking in. My parents were terrified. My doctor was terrified. My counsellor, though afraid, had a little more faith in me than I had in myself. My friends didn’t know what to do. I thought numerous times of taking my own life. Everything in my life terrified me. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. Even if I managed to survive this inner torture, I was sure that I would be nothing more than a Mediocre Mary who would do nothing more than try to make it day to day… How wrong was I?!
Through thick and thin she was by my side. When I needed to cry my eyes out, she sat by me – even when I blubbered like a teething toddler, she was there. When I admitted to the dangerous thoughts that were terrorising me, she came and talked me through them. When I felt like I couldn’t amount to anything, she showed me how amazing I already was.
Boys. They’re fun while the buzz of flirting and kissing and having a laugh lasts. But their shining lights fade. Now, I’m not dissing boys, I do have a soft spot… 😉 but… there are things that CR and I have that are irreplaceable, there are things that I can only talk to her about, and there are times when I know that only she will truly get me. And so, I give you my list…
10 Reasons Why My Best Friend Is Better Than A Boyfriend
- She showed me who I was. She helped me plough through cobwebs, dust off ancient dreams and assemble aspirations…
- She always makes time for me. Even if its just by posting something up here (which I always find a little shocking 😉 )
- She has let me see that I am a loving, decent and kind person, contrary to what I had believed.
- She showed me the importance of making time for me. I was a people pleaser. To most people I still am. Now, however, I am more independent, more assertive.
- She taught me to be strong. I know that I can make it through anything thanks to this girl. I am a strong independent woman – I feel like I am able to say this knowing that I will never truly be ever on my own.
- She loves me. Even when I find it hard to love myself. She doesn’t seem to mind my faults…or so she says! 😛
- She has let me into her life and into her family. I can’t count the amount of times her parents tell me that they consider me “a second daughter,” or “the daughter they never had” (to annoy her!) Her brothers tell me they love me, even the one I’ve never even met because he lives halfway across the globe! The bonds and the open, wholehearted kindness is something I am so completely and truly grateful for.
- I know in my heart of hearts that this is for life. We will never “break up” – we know too much about each other. We go through everything together and would go to the ends of the earth for one another. When one of us is sad, the other turns up with the perfect thing to cheer the other one up. (It’s a pity we’re not lesbians really – we’re perfect for each other!)
- She makes me laugh. I’m not talking an occasional giggle… I’m talking falling-over-in-the-street laughing, people-stopping-what-they’re-doing-to-stare laughing, and laugh-so-hard-you-cry-and-can’t-breathe laughing.
- She is the other half of me. I can’t imagine my life without her. If anything happened to her I don’t know what I would do because I genuinely cannot imagine living without her. I’ve had “best friends” in the past. They were close friends. But our relationships came nowhere near as honest and true as this one.
And so, to conclude, I shall love and leave you with one of the best sayings in the world. Ever.